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Oct. 17th, 2010

But i'll be ok, is that what you want me to say? it's called breakup, cause it's broken

Nov. 19th, 2009

It's getting to the point where I make myself emotionally sick when I look into the mirror. All I see when I look at myself, are my huge thighs. I used to be more accepting of how big they were because they were to hold up my butt, which not to be vain used to look damn good. Now my butts getting smaller, my thighs are staying the same. And I look gross.

I've been coming on her on and off for almost two years. Everytime I leave, I gain. I don't want to gain anymore, I just want to be beautiful.

I'm dating a guy, for the first time ever. He's absolutely perfect. He loves me more than anything, and I trust him to the core, and haven't felt this safe with someone in a while. We get each other so well, and I could talk to him for hours about nothing. One issue. He's INCREDIBLY skinny. To the point where I'm almost jealous. I don't want him touching me sometimes, because I'm so afraid he's thinking, wow my girlfriend is so fat. I don't think he thinks that, he always talks about how pretty he finds me, and how he loves the way I look, but I can't help but think how he's so good looking and I'm so not. we're like totally sexual with each other, and we've talked about having sex, and we've gone pretty far but I don't want him to look at me. So I'm making a deal. When I lose twenty pounds, we'll have sex. I just want to be perfect for him, because he's given me ABSOLUTELY everything I could ever ask for.

I don't want you guys to think that I'm doing all of this for him, it is for me, I've been on here for over two years when there's been NO guy. He just makes me want to be better for him.

So far I've eaten:
1 powder Hot Chocolate: 50 cals
1 Orange: Anywhere from 50-100 cals (I'm going with 100 just to be safe)

10:25 am: 150 cals total

I won't go over 450.

Someone help me think of something to eat for lunch that has not a lot of calories also, I'm a vegetarian. I was thinking of dipping peppers, cucumbers, and lettuce into a dressing, probably caesar or blue cheese...those have mad calories though, but I need something to taste....Idk suggestions?

thanks for listening

Writer's Block: Dream Trip

If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
anywhere but here